if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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