as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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