you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
