Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
