What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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