Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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