I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A+ Viking dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
