i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
