Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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