is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
