so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
