halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
