whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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