I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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