I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
