bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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