Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
