I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
