Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
