your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
