I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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