i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
