I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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