She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
