Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
