no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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