you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
