I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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