Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
