Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
