I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
