he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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