i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
