Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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