It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
