so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
