I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
