why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
