Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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