I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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