He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
