i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
