he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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