Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
