Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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