Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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