Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
