Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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