I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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