you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
