wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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