if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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