I wish you could order shots online.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
