Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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