Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
